LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) December 4, 2014
[shows up late for first day of new job] *blames it on rush hour* [shows up late for second day of new job] *blames it on rush hour 2*
— brent (@murrman5) September 11, 2014
Food $200 Data $150 Rent $800 Candles $3,600 Utility $150 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
— wint (@dril) September 29, 2013
“Um.” – 1st horse that got ridden
— rordolph (@rorynotroy) June 23, 2013
I never believed in reincarnation before but… Dad? pic.twitter.com/jodNw0Iom1
— Baby New Year Agee (@MarkAgee) October 3, 2014
accountant: "youre basically broke" wife: "he keeps spending money on stupid stuff" me: "lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid"
— k e e t (@KeetPotato) October 27, 2015
