Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
Wife: But I only…
Me: EXACTLY the amount
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts pic.twitter.com/XB3dktiSnA
— Jeff (@usedwigs) January 16, 2016
"So. When did you break the toaster?!"
— ReeseButCallMeV (@ReeseButCallMeV) January 21, 2016
If at first you don't succeed maybe your wife will just do it for you from now on like that time I loaded the dishwasher.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 22, 2015
Marriage is basically just whispering, "Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video."
— Mel Evans (@mel_evans) February 22, 2016
The best thing about being married is having someone who can tell you if something is disgusting or not…
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) February 24, 2016
Marriage is basically agreeing to not sleep in a comfortable position again for the rest of your life.
— ⚡️QUΞΞN ΔLΔNΔ⚡️ (@AlanaRockz) November 16, 2015