13.
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) November 2, 2014
14.
Wife: Make the hotel reservation for date night.
Me: Hey, Hilton. Can you charge my card for a place my wife & I can go to sleep in at 9pm.— Lance Burson (@lanceburson) January 29, 2016
15.
Hey baby it's Friday night, why don't you get into something more comfortable that you can wear all weekend because we have no laundry left.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) January 30, 2016
16.
Marriage is basically peeing with the door open and not caring.
— Amber (@Amburglar_) October 16, 2013
17.
Me on deathbed: One last thing before I die?
Husband: *in tears* Yes?
M: Change the toilet paper roll
H: *pulls out my breathing tubes*— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 22, 2016
18.
My husband's so smart.
He's prepared for the Apocalypse by leaving pants puddled on the family room floor so he can make a quick exit.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 27, 2016
