I think my husband cleaned the bathroom, but I can't tell.
How do you tell?
— Stacey Gill (@OneFunnyMotha) January 25, 2016
Wife: how did you get all that dirt under your fingernails?
Me: it's brownies.
— Goats? (@Gooooats) January 23, 2016
*rolls over & taps wife's shoulder to wake her*
So it was "An American Tail" & not 'Tale' because Fievel was a mouse, right?
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 4, 2015
When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2015
My wife got a Fitbit for the sole purpose of proving how many times I wake her up in the middle of the night by snoring.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 20, 2016
Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries.
[2 hours later]
Me: We have nothing to eat in this house.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2016
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
h/t : Buzzfeed