Gross fact: Taco Bell burritos contain less than 10% real bell
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 10, 2012
3 cars back at the Burger King drive thru gives you a devastating amount of time to consider your missteps.
— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) May 9, 2012
ok sir guacamole is gonna be an extra $1.80 plus the rights to sacrifice your soul to the dark lord satan thank u for choosing chipotle
— Elijah Daniel (@aguywithnolife) September 16, 2014
McDonalds sponsoring the Olympics is like the Kardashians sponsoring a job fair.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) July 29, 2012
Whenever I go to Subway, when they ask if I would like my sandwich toasted, I say yes & then I raise my cup of Coke & say, "To my sandwich!"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 15, 2012
"Son you're just not cut out to be a mime." "Is it something I said?" "Yes."
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) September 27, 2014
Steve: did u guys get a good pic of me Dave: ya dont worry Steve: which pic did u use Mark: dont worry about it pic.twitter.com/JRiB79dxbh
— gregory erskine (@cat_beltane) August 19, 2015
ME: isn't this great?? WIFE: not really ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what's wrong
— local badboy, (@hippieswordfish) November 3, 2015
[Sees bee on my wife's arm] Uh oh [I roll up a newspaper] Babe.. stay still.. (using newspaper as a megaphone) THERE'S A FUCKING BEE ON YOU
— dog rats (@ruinedpicnic) February 16, 2015
Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba
— ♡Very Respectful Guy (@SortaBad) August 5, 2014
MEN REPLYING TO WOMEN ONLINE pic.twitter.com/VgD4tVrVk5
— Anthony (@butterwolf) December 18, 2014