1. They tell you their dreams:
2. They appropriate teen culture:
3. They warn you of all the new ways you can die:
4. They keep you young:
5. They invite you to get crunk with them:
6. They treat texting like an actual handwritten letter:
7. They refer to themselves in third person:
8. They. use. too. much. punctuation:
9. They tell you about the woes of retired life:
10. They ask like A MILLION questions:
This enlightened stoner.
These boner aficionados.
This literal daredevil.
This defender of LGBT rights.
This anatomy-challenged pothead.
This Twilight Zone fan fiction writer.
This bookworm who speaks the TRUTH.
This twisted genius.
This evil genius.
This analogy expert.
This person who wants to rid the world of hyphens.
This creator of sick burns.
This brilliant legal mind.
This perfectly sane human being.